Relationships: Sometimes You Get What You Give in your Marriage

By BRENDA DELLA CASA

Your mate can be one of your best friends and your partner and confidante and, like your other best friends, at some point or another they will likely do something to annoy you, offend you and hurt you deeply. 

Think about your best friend who lived with you. Did you dislike some of the way they cared for the apartment and some of their habits? Were there times you were so annoyed that you wanted to move out? It's called a relationship and it happens when you put any two people in one place for a long period of time. There will always be days we want to "escape" -- our jobs, our lives, our friendships, our partners, even our bodies.   
 

You may be married but you are not the same person and the biggest mistake any husband or wife can make is to expect their partner to act, think and react like them and to take it personally when they don't. We live in a world with a "Bigger, Better Deal" obsession in nearly every aspect of our life. We want to look perfect, have the perfect job, clothes, house, car, social life, body and travel itineraries. We want perfect children and perfect spouses but the reality is that being a living, breathing, thinking human being eradicates any chance of being 100 percent flawless, 100 percent of the time.  Even if it were possible, perfection is arbitrary and therefore, someone would find your flawlessness utterly intolerable.   

A relationship is made up of two people who have agreed to share their lives with one another and work to keep the peace. Notice I said "share." This isn't a Fairy Tale and the idea that it is anyone's responsibility to "save" you or obey you is insulting at best. It's one thing to be annoyed that your husband/wife  can't keep the common areas clean and quite another to fantasize that if you were with the hot guy/girl down at the market, your life would rival a classic love story..   

Marriage is what you make of it, and many people don't want to accept that you often get what you give. Yes, there are people who destroy their relationships with deceit, infidelity and addictions but more often than not, people destroy their own lives by not communicating effectively, holding themselves accountable for their own happiness and realizing that their partner also chooses to be with you in spite of the many little things you do to annoy them. Your partner is an aspect of your life, but your life is your life.